








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 46 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 163 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2722 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,498 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1301 | 37% |
| Smokes | 682 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 643 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 872 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $507,096 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | CoBr4zZzZz | 73% | 26 |
| #11 | Slooten | 71% | 45 |
| #12 | tdxacer | 67% | 12 |
| #13 | Kitten | 67% | 54 |
| #14 | Meowceps | 64% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitten | 18 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | Meowceps | 10 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | Kytho | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Slooten | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Matty | 5 | 0.0110 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitten | 199 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | Kytho | 189 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | InSAniTy | 184 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #4 | Meowceps | 182 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | 𝙋 𝙧 1 𝙘 𝙠 𝙇 𝙮 𝙮 𝙮 ™ | 130 | 0.24 | 3 min |





