








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1019 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 448 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4676 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2329 | 17% |
| Smokes | 5099 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2703 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3594 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,979,497 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 433 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | otzy | 50% | 144 |
| #2 | Ted | 49% | 219 |
| #3 | pRoteina | 46% | 41 |
| #4 | AndrewJ | 42% | 36 |
| #5 | v1enttt | 34% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ted | 49% | 219 |
| #3 | pRoteina | 46% | 41 |
| #4 | AndrewJ | 42% | 36 |
| #5 | v1enttt | 34% | 58 |
| #6 | Kentavious | 27% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ted | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #2 | otzy | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Kentavious | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ted | 720 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #2 | otzy | 488 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | v1enttt | 223 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | AndrewJ | 96 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | pRoteina | 80 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AndrewJ | +1.82 | 82 | 58 |
| #2 | ElPatron | +0.09 | 76 | 51 |
| #3 | v1enttt | -0.10 | 55 | 67 |
| #4 | pRoteina | -0.18 | 67 | 62 |
| #5 | Ted | -0.24 | 83 | 56 |





