








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 301 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 199 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2543 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,871 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1825 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2639 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2512 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1895 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $574,514 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MoMan ♛ | 56% | 169 |
| #2 | Gibby the boat boy | 53% | 73 |
| #3 | Jascha | 53% | 244 |
| #4 | deCØY | 50% | 148 |
| #5 | Ph[E]noM | 44% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MoMan ♛ | 56% | 169 |
| #2 | Gibby the boat boy | 53% | 73 |
| #3 | Jascha | 53% | 244 |
| #4 | deCØY | 50% | 148 |
| #5 | Ph[E]noM | 44% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jascha | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | deCØY | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | MoMan ♛ | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Gibby the boat boy | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deCØY | 514 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Jascha | 308 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #3 | Ph[E]noM | 278 | 0.30 | 9 min |
| #4 | MoMan ♛ | 202 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | Gibby the boat boy | 31 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ph[E]noM | +2.59 | 75 | 85 |
| #2 | dtxcl | +2.30 | 71 | 66 |
| #3 | Jascha | +0.80 | 69 | 67 |
| #4 | MoMan ♛ | -1.04 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | deCØY | -1.27 | 71 | 63 |





