








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 173 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,899 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 871 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1313 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 889 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 826 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $458,963 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | 50% | 20 |
| #2 | Prof. Dr. Evgeny Epelbaum | 49% | 43 |
| #3 | catus | 46% | 50 |
| #4 | Christoph Daum | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | Pice™ | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Christoph Daum | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | Pice™ | 42% | 19 |
| #6 | TitoBurasca | 40% | 10 |
| #7 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | 35% | 23 |
| #8 | SKR | 29% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | catus | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | SKR | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | catus | 155 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | 86 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | Pice™ | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | SKR | 40 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | TitoBurasca | 35 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Christoph Daum | +6.83 | 80 | 31 |
| #2 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | +3.83 | 55 | 33 |
| #3 | TitoBurasca | +2.09 | 61 | 69 |
| #4 | SKR | +0.02 | 57 | 55 |
| #5 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | -1.19 | 33 | 50 |





