








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 317 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 362 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3606 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,692 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4471 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3464 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1990 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2767 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,446,422 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 600 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pice™ | 12 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | catus | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Prof. Dr. Evgeny Epelbaum | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Christoph Daum | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | SKR | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | catus | 657 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #2 | Pice™ | 242 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | 168 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | Prof. Dr. Evgeny Epelbaum | 162 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #5 | SKR | 102 | 0.10 | 3 min |





