








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 350 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 345 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3294 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,387 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1005 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2311 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1927 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2144 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,434,237 of utility $263 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 760 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SKR | 55% | 33 |
| #2 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | 53% | 111 |
| #3 | catus | 49% | 192 |
| #4 | Christoph Daum | 49% | 45 |
| #5 | Dr. Jonathan Kozcielny | 49% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | catus | 49% | 192 |
| #4 | Christoph Daum | 49% | 45 |
| #5 | Dr. Jonathan Kozcielny | 49% | 43 |
| #6 | Pice™ | 48% | 71 |
| #7 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | 47% | 276 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | catus | 16 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | 10 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Pice™ | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Christoph Daum | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Dr. Jonathan Kozcielny | 3 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | 855 | 0.15 | 22 min |
| #2 | catus | 508 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #3 | Pice™ | 177 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | 132 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Dr. Jonathan Kozcielny | 89 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Christoph Daum | +4.78 | 71 | 36 |
| #2 | Prof. Dr. Jörg Winkelmann | +1.66 | 60 | 36 |
| #3 | SKR | +0.59 | 58 | 52 |
| #4 | Dr. Dirk Meyer | -0.40 | 34 | 58 |
| #5 | Dr. Jonathan Kozcielny | -0.48 | 38 | 60 |





