








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 579 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 193 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




80 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1537 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,838 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1584 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1869 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1347 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1038 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $799,667 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 312 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | HolyCrusadee | 35% | 17 |
| #8 | TOMMY | 35% | 51 |
| #9 | Nicebike | 35% | 60 |
| #10 | Vinkelgnidarn | 34% | 101 |
| #11 | WalZZor⭕⃤ | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WilleX | 126 | 0.33 | 3 min |
| #2 | Dingus | 123 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hassan al-Pepé | 117 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Vinkelgnidarn | 111 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | HolyCrusadee | 79 | 0.22 | 2 min |





