








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,745 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 173 | 10% |
| Smokes | 546 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 607 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 419 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $289,962 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cansey | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | S-MagnU | 54% | 50 |
| #3 | :p | 51% | 70 |
| #4 | 3'11 Top G | 46% | 61 |
| #5 | Hamstring | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | S-MagnU | 54% | 50 |
| #3 | :p | 51% | 70 |
| #4 | 3'11 Top G | 46% | 61 |
| #5 | Hamstring | 44% | 16 |
| #6 | Soule | 41% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :p | 9 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Soule | 8 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | S-MagnU | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | 3'11 Top G | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Hamstring | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Soule | 288 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | :p | 208 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | S-MagnU | 203 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #4 | 3'11 Top G | 134 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hamstring | 80 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :p | +4.20 | 87 | 56 |
| #2 | Cansey | +3.26 | 76 | 69 |
| #3 | 3'11 Top G | +2.89 | 88 | 62 |
| #4 | S-MagnU | +2.55 | 74 | 62 |
| #5 | Soule | -0.60 | 52 | 42 |





