








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 825 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 522 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44,916 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 16115 | 36% |
| Smokes | 10248 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 10453 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 8100 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $503,812 of utility $36 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 431 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stephbro | 54% | 170 |
| #2 | Coal | 53% | 154 |
| #3 | GoodLy | 50% | 131 |
| #4 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 50% | 244 |
| #5 | binkelhamer | 50% | 321 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | GoodLy | 50% | 131 |
| #4 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 50% | 244 |
| #5 | binkelhamer | 50% | 321 |
| #6 | goldfish slut | 46% | 142 |
| #7 | Rudy | 45% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | binkelhamer | 9 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Stephbro | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | goldfish slut | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Coal | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 721 | 0.14 | 21 min |
| #2 | GoodLy | 492 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #3 | Stephbro | 458 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #4 | Coal | 231 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #5 | binkelhamer | 220 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stephbro | +1.22 | 77 | 66 |
| #2 | Coal | +1.02 | 83 | 60 |
| #3 | GoodLy | +0.76 | 69 | 76 |
| #4 | Clem | +0.16 | 58 | 87 |
| #5 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | +0.10 | 77 | 63 |





