








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 202 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 296 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3842 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,202 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4946 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3628 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4007 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3621 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $291,835 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rudy | 51% | 43 |
| #2 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 51% | 243 |
| #3 | Clem | 50% | 131 |
| #4 | goldfish slut | 49% | 87 |
| #5 | binkelhamer | 48% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Clem | 50% | 131 |
| #4 | goldfish slut | 49% | 87 |
| #5 | binkelhamer | 48% | 87 |
| #6 | Coal | 48% | 48 |
| #7 | Stephbro | 48% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Stephbro | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Clem | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | binkelhamer | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | goldfish slut | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blue-Eyes White Fraggin' | 753 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #2 | Clem | 616 | 0.22 | 19 min |
| #3 | Stephbro | 430 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | Coal | 67 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | binkelhamer | 65 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GoodLy | +1.01 | 73 | 78 |
| #2 | Stephbro | +0.20 | 81 | 68 |
| #3 | Coal | -0.16 | 79 | 57 |
| #4 | binkelhamer | -0.21 | 75 | 41 |
| #5 | Clem | -0.48 | 58 | 87 |





