








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank |
|---|
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
115 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 239 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 56 | 23% |
| Smokes | 49 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 126 | 53% |
| Molotovs | 8 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $42,448 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALF | 50% | 2 |
| #2 | yakub | 40% | 5 |
| #3 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | SloppyToppy | 20% | 5 |
| #5 | JBL BLUETOOTH SPEAKER | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | yakub | 40% | 5 |
| #3 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | SloppyToppy | 20% | 5 |
| #5 | JBL BLUETOOTH SPEAKER | 0% | 2 |
| #6 | Terkel | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 4 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | yakub | 4 | 0.0354 |
| #3 | SloppyToppy | 4 | 0.0374 |
| #4 | ALF | 1 | 0.0270 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 61 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #2 | SloppyToppy | 22 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #3 | yakub | 17 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #4 | Terkel | 16 | 0.17 | 0 min |
| #5 | JBL BLUETOOTH SPEAKER | 6 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | +3.24 | 69 | 49 |
| #2 | Terkel | +1.23 | 79 | 58 |
| #3 | SloppyToppy | -1.34 | 72 | 48 |
| #4 | JBL BLUETOOTH SPEAKER | -1.69 | 18 | 43 |
| #5 | yakub | -1.93 | 28 | 37 |





