








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
114 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 326 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 109 | 33% |
| Smokes | 63 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 123 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 31 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $29,568 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | yakub | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | SloppyToppy | 0% | 3 |
| #5 | 🚕Taxi🚕 | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | yakub | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | SloppyToppy | 0% | 3 |
| #5 | 🚕Taxi🚕 | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 5 | 0.0188 |
| #2 | SloppyToppy | 2 | 0.0274 |
| #3 | w | 2 | 0.0328 |
| #4 | yakub | 2 | 0.0408 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | 44 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #2 | SloppyToppy | 13 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #3 | 🚕Taxi🚕 | 8 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #4 | w | 5 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | yakub | 5 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Terkel | +1.06 | 73 | 39 |
| #2 | w | +0.66 | 90 | 48 |
| #3 | CEO SBE CASH MAN | +0.54 | 63 | 54 |
| #4 | SloppyToppy | -1.09 | 59 | 57 |
| #5 | yakub | -4.34 | 33 | 47 |





