








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
312 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,646 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 547 | 33% |
| Smokes | 456 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 224 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 419 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $57,705 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hi | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | j3nni | 83% | 6 |
| #3 | Gurtz | 80% | 5 |
| #4 | toasty | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | ʻO Noa ke aliʻi | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 1 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | -kurofate | 1 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | INJURY :D | 1 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kapanyc | 63 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #2 | Bob | 53 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #3 | tbrry | 46 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | -kurofate | 46 | 0.31 | 1 min |
| #5 | j3nni | 21 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toasty | +3.70 | 54 | 69 |
| #2 | hi | +3.63 | 89 | 73 |
| #3 | ʻO Noa ke aliʻi | +2.92 | 99 | 48 |
| #4 | Gurtz | +2.77 | 88 | 60 |
| #5 | j3nni | +2.53 | 75 | 35 |





