








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 447 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 261 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3229 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,478 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5067 | 38% |
| Smokes | 3690 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3446 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1275 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,086 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 168 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Mille | 47% | 30 |
| #12 | orga- | 47% | 43 |
| #13 | d0n_Spurgt | 44% | 25 |
| #14 | illmatic | 41% | 22 |
| #15 | sVaMpeh4t | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob K | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | ✪ $alcN | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | MgN0xX | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob K | 504 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #2 | MgN0xX | 268 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | orga- | 178 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | ✪ $alcN | 157 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | EiNooM | 117 | 0.11 | 4 min |





