








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 954 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 332 matches | ||
| Faceit | 264 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6736 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6568 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7439 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3857 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 5287 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,443,661 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 751 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KICKASS | 58% | 43 |
| #2 | timpani | 57% | 67 |
| #3 | Lancy | 56% | 109 |
| #4 | surely | 49% | 77 |
| #5 | sex pistol | 49% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Grand(elf) | 49% | 35 |
| #7 | fknbubbles | 49% | 68 |
| #8 | KB | 47% | 45 |
| #9 | Manko | 45% | 56 |
| #10 | bopin azuna | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KICKASS | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | surely | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | bopin azuna | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Lancy | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | fknbubbles | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fknbubbles | 512 | 0.34 | 18 min |
| #2 | Grand(elf) | 230 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #3 | surely | 172 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Manko | 150 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | KB | 141 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sex pistol | +1.87 | 79 | 61 |
| #2 | fknbubbles | +1.57 | 82 | 73 |
| #3 | Thrifty | +1.30 | 74 | 57 |
| #4 | timpani | +0.89 | 74 | 59 |
| #5 | surely | +0.73 | 82 | 59 |





