








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1483 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,771 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1608 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1537 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 444 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 1182 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $355,521 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Golden | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Andi-mage | 61% | 49 |
| #3 | Zappy | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | Chris | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | 60% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Seagull | 60% | 114 |
| #7 | Sky | 57% | 162 |
| #8 | Brendenbak | 52% | 77 |
| #9 | Bovine-simian | 51% | 88 |
| #10 | Haza | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brendenbak | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | 8 | 0.0189 |
| #3 | Sky | 7 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Seagull | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | Golden | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sky | 263 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Bovine-simian | 219 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Seagull | 147 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Brendenbak | 142 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | 124 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | +3.83 | 79 | 69 |
| #2 | Sky | +2.95 | 82 | 60 |
| #3 | Golden | +0.37 | 57 | 47 |
| #4 | Hey, Listen! | +0.20 | 75 | 55 |
| #5 | Chris | +0.10 | 75 | 51 |





