








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 297 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 297 matches | ||
| Esplay | 45 matches | 1,569 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4564 | 25% |
| Smokes | 5490 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3997 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4261 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,569,718 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J.P. | 56% | 39 |
| #2 | Joker | 55% | 33 |
| #3 | H4xxur | 55% | 44 |
| #4 | ✪ Eddie | 54% | 91 |
| #5 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | 51% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ✪ Eddie | 54% | 91 |
| #5 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | 51% | 113 |
| #6 | ✪ steffmeisteren | 48% | 42 |
| #7 | JOKERNINJA K.O.S | 38% | 42 |
| #8 | sjappalol | 37% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Eddie | 7 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | H4xxur | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | JOKERNINJA K.O.S | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | sjappalol | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | 523 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #2 | ✪ Eddie | 332 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #3 | ✪ steffmeisteren | 149 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | JOKERNINJA K.O.S | 148 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | H4xxur | 136 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Eddie | +3.14 | 55 | 72 |
| #2 | ✪ steffmeisteren | +1.83 | 46 | 71 |
| #3 | Joker | +1.50 | 41 | 70 |
| #4 | ✯𝕃𝕚𝕟𝕦𝕏✯ | +0.83 | 62 | 68 |
| #5 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | -1.46 | 19 | 71 |





