








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 315 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4071 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,420 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5574 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3254 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1613 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 3979 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,216,750 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1891 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 匚卄卂丂乇 | 51% | 200 |
| #2 | NomS | 48% | 96 |
| #3 | FatChris | 46% | 314 |
| #4 | Creamy Footlong | 41% | 29 |
| #5 | Don't look! | 40% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 匚卄卂丂乇 | 51% | 200 |
| #2 | NomS | 48% | 96 |
| #3 | FatChris | 46% | 314 |
| #4 | Creamy Footlong | 41% | 29 |
| #5 | Don't look! | 40% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FatChris | 33 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | 匚卄卂丂乇 | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Don't look! | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | NomS | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Creamy Footlong | 2 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FatChris | 1506 | 0.23 | 37 min |
| #2 | 匚卄卂丂乇 | 1019 | 0.25 | 28 min |
| #3 | NomS | 370 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #4 | Creamy Footlong | 63 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Don't look! | 42 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Creamy Footlong | +3.03 | 82 | 60 |
| #2 | 匚卄卂丂乇 | +0.88 | 68 | 73 |
| #3 | EazyCS | +0.61 | 83 | 55 |
| #4 | FatChris | +0.39 | 69 | 69 |
| #5 | NomS | -0.68 | 64 | 56 |





