








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1727 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 299 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5918 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,837 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10937 | 37% |
| Smokes | 6553 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 7035 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5312 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,157,821 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1511 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xlrpsyaner_13 | 53% | 105 |
| #2 | gadfly | 49% | 146 |
| #3 | Vossman | 48% | 42 |
| #4 | Deagelbert | 47% | 49 |
| #5 | jTc.HAOS | 45% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jTc.HAOS | 8 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | gadfly | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | xlrpsyaner_13 | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Punkrock / Lode | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Endgegner | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gadfly | 315 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #2 | xlrpsyaner_13 | 244 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Punkrock / Lode | 201 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Vossman | 169 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | jTc.HAOS | 153 | 0.08 | 4 min |





