








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 183 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2188 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,992 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1278 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1397 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1761 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1556 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $410,775 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | زنجي | 56% | 27 |
| #2 | hemorrhoid hunter | 52% | 84 |
| #3 | Kinderi | 52% | 48 |
| #4 | boobpiss | 50% | 24 |
| #5 | Waldo | 50% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Nug3tt1x | 48% | 150 |
| #8 | Nj@ksu | 47% | 36 |
| #9 | karski rahkamarko raumalta | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | Jaax | 45% | 73 |
| #11 | santtulanttu | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nug3tt1x | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Lappis | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | hemorrhoid hunter | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Jaax | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Waldo | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nug3tt1x | 316 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jaax | 187 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Lappis | 140 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | زنجي | 112 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | Waldo | 103 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemorrhoid hunter | +3.03 | 74 | 50 |
| #2 | Nug3tt1x | +1.32 | 65 | 71 |
| #3 | Kinderi | +1.06 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | veksi | +0.74 | 69 | 60 |
| #5 | زنجي | +0.36 | 68 | 69 |





