










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 112 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 413 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7262 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,460 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2873 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3507 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5060 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 4020 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,988,010 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Karl Gustav | 48% | 292 |
| #9 | Zernichter | 47% | 91 |
| #10 | Hopmo | 47% | 262 |
| #11 | Per1x | 40% | 104 |
| #12 | Heda | 40% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JibbitJayson | 54 | 0.0127 |
| #2 | Karl Gustav | 46 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Mr.NoSkill | 38 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Pencil_Case | 22 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Dyhmie | 20 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NoSkill | 1060 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #2 | Pencil_Case | 474 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #3 | Per1x | 458 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #4 | Dyhmie | 390 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #5 | JibbitJayson | 384 | 0.09 | 10 min |





