








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
526 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,809 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 555 | 31% |
| Smokes | 528 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 300 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 426 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,330 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | HASSE | 40% | 5 |
| #15 | Raineri | 40% | 5 |
| #16 | BernuB | 33% | 6 |
| #17 | Kondy | 25% | 4 |
| #18 | Ralliankkuri | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DanielTheGriller | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Kondy | 2 | 0.0250 |
| #3 | simppa | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Candle | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | BernuB | 1 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pedro | 92 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #2 | Aquilon | 79 | 0.34 | 2 min |
| #3 | simppa | 76 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | TZAGE | 75 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | v$qp | 64 | 0.17 | 1 min |





