








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1267 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 917 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1988 | 49% |
| HE Grenades | 172 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 988 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $321,835 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rush the Toasty Boi | 71% | 51 |
| #2 | Twin | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | Jam | 61% | 90 |
| #4 | Arne con Carne | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | cryvvi | 60% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jam | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | cryvvi | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Lukas | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Arne con Carne | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Rush the Toasty Boi | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lukas | 119 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Jam | 114 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Rush the Toasty Boi | 102 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Arne con Carne | 42 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Twin | 39 | 0.08 | 1 min |





