








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,586 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1501 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1379 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1397 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1309 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $258,460 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Zoni | 40% | 10 |
| #12 | Beanie | 40% | 15 |
| #13 | diipadaapa | 38% | 8 |
| #14 | Kallolainen | 37% | 35 |
| #15 | Jänö :3 | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | juno | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Ykä | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Petro | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Elere | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Apa | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | juno | 290 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #2 | Ykä | 254 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | HenQu | 202 | 0.34 | 6 min |
| #4 | Apa | 129 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Elere | 117 | 0.13 | 3 min |





