








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 622 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 240 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3712 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,073 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5320 | 35% |
| Smokes | 4511 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2480 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2762 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $805,332 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 697 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AOJHNF ajobnf | 55% | 119 |
| #2 | im dirty dan | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | ling ling | 50% | 176 |
| #4 | dash <3 | 48% | 87 |
| #5 | RanD | 46% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ling ling | 13 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | AOJHNF ajobnf | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | dash <3 | 7 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | im dirty dan | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | OhNyo | 3 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ling ling | 498 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | RanD | 198 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | AOJHNF ajobnf | 128 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | OhNyo | 91 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | dash <3 | 67 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | runedson | +3.41 | 92 | 68 |
| #2 | im dirty dan | +0.23 | 68 | 51 |
| #3 | AOJHNF ajobnf | -0.05 | 59 | 48 |
| #4 | ling ling | -0.80 | 54 | 62 |
| #5 | dash <3 | -0.90 | 54 | 44 |





