








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 103 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 42 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,914 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 448 | 23% |
| Smokes | 478 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 542 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 446 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $187,345 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zesi | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | Zaloga | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Daddy Atlas | 53% | 30 |
| #4 | Spray | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Matti | 50% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Spray | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Matti | 50% | 22 |
| #6 | D A M M E | 42% | 31 |
| #7 | Lord | 42% | 12 |
| #8 | squif | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daddy Atlas | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Lord | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matti | 72 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | Daddy Atlas | 43 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | D A M M E | 34 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lord | 26 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | squif | 13 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cap | +2.86 | 87 | 67 |
| #2 | Matti | +0.37 | 63 | 65 |
| #3 | Lord | -0.29 | 72 | 74 |
| #4 | squif | -0.91 | 77 | 58 |
| #5 | D A M M E | -1.36 | 52 | 46 |





