








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 72 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
612 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,758 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 334 | 12% |
| Smokes | 837 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 852 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 735 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,164 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spray | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Matti | 50% | 20 |
| #3 | Lord | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Cap | 42% | 31 |
| #5 | Daddy Atlas | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Lord | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Cap | 42% | 31 |
| #5 | Daddy Atlas | 39% | 23 |
| #6 | Zaloga | 33% | 12 |
| #7 | squif | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daddy Atlas | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | squif | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cap | 78 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Matti | 76 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | Daddy Atlas | 42 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lord | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Spray | 25 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cap | +3.01 | 84 | 71 |
| #2 | Matti | +0.76 | 62 | 68 |
| #3 | Lord | +0.45 | 75 | 82 |
| #4 | Daddy Atlas | -0.22 | 61 | 68 |
| #5 | D A M M E | -1.11 | 50 | 58 |





