








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
209 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 856 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 185 | 22% |
| Smokes | 253 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 225 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 193 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $41,622 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spray | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Matti | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | D A M M E | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Cap | 42% | 12 |
| #5 | Daddy Atlas | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | D A M M E | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Cap | 42% | 12 |
| #5 | Daddy Atlas | 40% | 10 |
| #6 | squif | 33% | 6 |
| #7 | Zaloga | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daddy Atlas | 5 | 0.0253 |
| #2 | Spray | 2 | 0.0118 |
| #3 | Cap | 1 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | squif | 1 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matti | 31 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #2 | Daddy Atlas | 19 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Cap | 18 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Spray | 15 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | D A M M E | 14 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cap | +3.17 | 88 | 61 |
| #2 | Matti | +1.18 | 66 | 58 |
| #3 | Lord | +0.78 | 74 | 73 |
| #4 | Daddy Atlas | +0.74 | 64 | 58 |
| #5 | D A M M E | -1.60 | 48 | 47 |





