








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 749 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3643 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,988 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5465 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2042 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 3513 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3968 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,640,311 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brdosjooj | 53% | 232 |
| #2 | Xereta. | 49% | 320 |
| #3 | What else? | 48% | 424 |
| #4 | vec hard drive | 48% | 132 |
| #5 | Ste | 48% | 423 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xereta. | 36 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Ste | 20 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | rittmonster | 11 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | vec hard drive | 11 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | What else? | 6 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xereta. | 986 | 0.15 | 27 min |
| #2 | Ste | 825 | 0.09 | 16 min |
| #3 | What else? | 735 | 0.08 | 16 min |
| #4 | Brdosjooj | 650 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #5 | rittmonster | 558 | 0.16 | 16 min |





