








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
351 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,000 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 692 | 35% |
| Smokes | 424 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 370 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 514 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $148,458 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 140 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ungenuss | 29% | 21 |
| #9 | LRK | 27% | 11 |
| #10 | BøkajKami | 17% | 6 |
| #11 | ♕Yallah♕Yallah♕ | 14% | 7 |
| #12 | shorty | 8% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pisse aus meinem Arsch :< | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | ungenuss | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Jakob | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | LRK | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | BøkajKami | 1 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pisse aus meinem Arsch :< | 183 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | Jakob | 123 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Grâm | 41 | 0.60 | 1 min |
| #4 | ungenuss | 30 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | shorty | 26 | 0.10 | 1 min |





