








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 145 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1888 | 42% |
| Smokes | 1467 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 781 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 399 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,350,755 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 120 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Börn | 58% | 26 |
| #2 | ungenuss | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | Schlingel | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | Pisse aus meinem Arsch :< | 47% | 163 |
| #5 | Tulaar | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pisse aus meinem Arsch :< | 571 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #2 | Jakob | 379 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | shorty | 154 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | LRK | 142 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Skyology | 115 | 0.12 | 3 min |





