








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1434 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,063 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 655 | 32% |
| Smokes | 522 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 542 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 344 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $654,502 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Max Keeble | 53% | 126 |
| #2 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | DogFighterDavid1956 | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | BUSCH | 50% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Max Keeble | 53% | 126 |
| #2 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | DogFighterDavid1956 | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | BUSCH | 50% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUSCH | 26 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Max Keeble | 18 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | DogFighterDavid1956 | 7 | 0.0194 |
| #4 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 5 | 0.0184 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUSCH | 303 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #2 | Max Keeble | 256 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | DogFighterDavid1956 | 31 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 13 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUSCH | +3.12 | 73 | 70 |
| #2 | Max Keeble | +0.35 | 67 | 50 |
| #3 | DogFighterDavid1956 | -0.05 | 71 | 39 |
| #4 | Teej | -0.50 | 79 | 44 |
| #5 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | -2.91 | 46 | 29 |





