








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
627 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 88 | 7% |
| Smokes | 415 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 465 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 377 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $216,625 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | MRJ | 50% | 14 |
| #10 | Bob | 47% | 15 |
| #11 | Pena | 47% | 73 |
| #12 | kehopositiivinen | 33% | 6 |
| #13 | Stupid nigga boy | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pena | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Obeliks | 2 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | RXNI | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Bob | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RXNI | 163 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | Pena | 102 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Goz | 43 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Bob | 39 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | kehopositiivinen | 37 | 0.29 | 1 min |





