








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 883 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 381 matches | ||
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3053 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,845 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7169 | 34% |
| Smokes | 4700 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4853 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4123 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,717,698 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Qhandi | 42% | 181 |
| #8 | JayLandslide | 42% | 117 |
| #9 | Faba | 42% | 192 |
| #10 | Curtis Love | 41% | 259 |
| #11 | SÄQ-polomna | 31% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rapu | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Qhandi | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Curtis Love | 7 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | jampetti | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Faba | 4 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Qhandi | 777 | 0.20 | 26 min |
| #2 | Rapu | 749 | 0.14 | 20 min |
| #3 | jampetti | 631 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #4 | Faba | 583 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #5 | Curtis Love | 499 | 0.09 | 11 min |





