








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 156 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 47 | 16% |
| Smokes | 70 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 92 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 86 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $232,438 of utility $275 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Superman | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Noname | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | ✪ Juan | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | therealdontspot | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Carnifex | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | therealdontspot | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Carnifex | 56% | 9 |
| #6 | Black Hercules ♚ | 48% | 21 |
| #7 | ErlikQ | 42% | 12 |
| #8 | KaiserSharkSpaghetters | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Hercules ♚ | 8 | 0.0179 |
| #2 | Noname | 2 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | ErlikQ | 2 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Carnifex | 1 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Hercules ♚ | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | ErlikQ | 34 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | Noname | 30 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | therealdontspot | 22 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | Carnifex | 19 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Hercules ♚ | +2.80 | 90 | 57 |
| #2 | Noname | +1.17 | 86 | 24 |
| #3 | Noname | +0.79 | 76 | 65 |
| #4 | ✪ Juan | +0.41 | 75 | 44 |
| #5 | Black Superman | -0.10 | 24 | 62 |





