








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1128 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,200 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 739 | 34% |
| Smokes | 617 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 511 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 333 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $313,908 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Superman | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | Black Hercules ♚ | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | KaiserSharkSpaghetters | 44% | 52 |
| #4 | Noname | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Superman | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | Black Hercules ♚ | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | KaiserSharkSpaghetters | 44% | 52 |
| #4 | Noname | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Hercules ♚ | 6 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | KaiserSharkSpaghetters | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Black Superman | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KaiserSharkSpaghetters | 128 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Black Hercules ♚ | 64 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Black Superman | 18 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Hercules ♚ | +3.67 | 91 | 56 |
| #2 | ErlikQ | +0.21 | 82 | 47 |
| #3 | Noname | -0.54 | 84 | 22 |
| #4 | Black Superman | -1.94 | 23 | 56 |
| #5 | KaiserSharkSpaghetters | -2.57 | 75 | 45 |





