








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2471 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,114 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2394 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1903 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1487 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1330 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $333,672 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Craqk | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | 喜び | 67% | 57 |
| #3 | veronica | 66% | 80 |
| #4 | Mr. Slippery | 64% | 14 |
| #5 | ⍟quack | 63% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | angular | 61% | 87 |
| #7 | Lek Lek | 54% | 54 |
| #8 | BaCchus | 53% | 34 |
| #9 | Uhtred | 51% | 35 |
| #10 | mirageCS | 45% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | veronica | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | mirageCS | 6 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | angular | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Uhtred | 5 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | Lek Lek | 4 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | veronica | 371 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | Uhtred | 229 | 0.32 | 6 min |
| #3 | Lek Lek | 175 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | angular | 165 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | 喜び | 152 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | veronica | +4.33 | 89 | 65 |
| #2 | Soyul | +2.46 | 84 | 61 |
| #3 | ⍟quack | +1.22 | 79 | 63 |
| #4 | 喜び | +1.14 | 75 | 55 |
| #5 | Lek Lek | -0.04 | 57 | 57 |





