








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 305 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3056 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,991 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1301 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1857 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2365 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1468 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,650,324 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 455 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Karpador | 47% | 161 |
| #10 | Deathinteresse | 46% | 160 |
| #11 | ^ N u i # . _ | 44% | 99 |
| #12 | Diddily | 40% | 43 |
| #13 | Dicox | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karpador | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | kpwfenins <3 NMZS | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Syxaa | 8 | 0.0126 |
| #4 | Timbo | 7 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | ^ N u i # . _ | 6 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deathinteresse | 932 | 0.28 | 30 min |
| #2 | Karpador | 731 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #3 | ^ N u i # . _ | 277 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Dicox | 183 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Diddily | 171 | 0.19 | 5 min |





