








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 173 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 191 matches | ||
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1242 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,415 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3649 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3609 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2969 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3188 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $605,817 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | c0mplex | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | Ɛℓмιѕтєяισѕσ79 | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | ∫Peri o.O | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | YerAIM | 56% | 25 |
| #5 | dave~ | 56% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R0DR00 | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | dave~ | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | HERENOW | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | V999dka #19 | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | c0mplex | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R0DR00 | 196 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | V999dka #19 | 188 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | ⚠ Alvarinho ⚠ | 148 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | dave~ | 141 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Congui | 96 | 0.08 | 3 min |





