








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 238 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Faceit | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2562 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,424 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2344 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1646 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2045 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1389 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,076,001 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 317 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Professor Cow | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | Splatmonkey14 | 49% | 76 |
| #3 | Way | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | Custer | 43% | 49 |
| #5 | apolloh | 41% | 136 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Repose | 36% | 28 |
| #12 | TheTinCan | 35% | 62 |
| #13 | ricky | 33% | 39 |
| #14 | MiaRose24 | 33% | 54 |
| #15 | ReXღ ツ | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | apolloh | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Splatmonkey14 | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | MiaRose24 | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Semaj | 3 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | MenTaL | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | apolloh | 284 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | TheTinCan | 271 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | MenTaL | 169 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Splatmonkey14 | 156 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | SD|amazingdrummerboy | 154 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | apolloh | +4.63 | 85 | 71 |
| #2 | Way | +1.80 | 63 | 73 |
| #3 | SD|amazingdrummerboy | +0.86 | 79 | 66 |
| #4 | ricky | +0.50 | 64 | 41 |
| #5 | ReXღ ツ | +0.40 | 54 | 59 |





