








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 415 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2222 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,325 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2366 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2579 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2514 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1866 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $640,697 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frost | 59% | 49 |
| #2 | Liquid | 56% | 61 |
| #3 | TRUCKER DADDY | 54% | 81 |
| #4 | mr pype | 51% | 53 |
| #5 | MAKTAVISH | 49% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | TRUCKER DADDY | 54% | 81 |
| #4 | mr pype | 51% | 53 |
| #5 | MAKTAVISH | 49% | 41 |
| #6 | Sloncher | 48% | 46 |
| #7 | Alonzo Harris | 47% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TRUCKER DADDY | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Sloncher | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Frost | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Alonzo Harris | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Liquid | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TRUCKER DADDY | 455 | 0.27 | 13 min |
| #2 | MAKTAVISH | 197 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #3 | Sloncher | 164 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | Liquid | 151 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | mr pype | 53 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mr pype | +3.34 | 82 | 36 |
| #2 | Frost | +1.31 | 52 | 30 |
| #3 | CrashedAce | +0.33 | 60 | 66 |
| #4 | Sloncher | +0.04 | 35 | 52 |
| #5 | TRUCKER DADDY | -0.07 | 53 | 57 |





