








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
248 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,072 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 225 | 21% |
| Smokes | 150 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 304 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 393 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $132,894 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Craft | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Onkel Fester | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Hr.Kristensen | 55% | 22 |
| #4 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 53% | 36 |
| #5 | Joint | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Knudsen | 49% | 41 |
| #8 | *balls* | 40% | 10 |
| #9 | Lord E@sy_Frag (DK) | 33% | 3 |
| #10 | Zolo | 33% | 3 |
| #11 | Frégo | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Knudsen | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | *balls* | 1 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Joint | 1 | 0.0120 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knudsen | 38 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #2 | Hr.Kristensen | 28 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 22 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Onkel Fester | 11 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Zolo | 9 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord E@sy_Frag (DK) | +6.09 | 41 | 46 |
| #2 | Zolo | +3.82 | 44 | 46 |
| #3 | Craft | +3.22 | 18 | 47 |
| #4 | Frégo | +2.79 | 22 | 68 |
| #5 | *balls* | +2.30 | 25 | 43 |





