








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 111 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 90 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 2 different maps


Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
840 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,683 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 484 | 29% |
| Smokes | 210 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 422 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 567 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $519,267 of utility $266 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 35 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m1 | 48% | 21 |
| #2 | Sir Shanks Alot | 36% | 80 |
| #3 | e. | 35% | 93 |
| #4 | Lebanon James | 35% | 94 |
| #5 | The Heathen | 32% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m1 | 48% | 21 |
| #2 | Sir Shanks Alot | 36% | 80 |
| #3 | e. | 35% | 93 |
| #4 | Lebanon James | 35% | 94 |
| #5 | The Heathen | 32% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Heathen | 13 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Sir Shanks Alot | 12 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Lebanon James | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | e. | 5 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sir Shanks Alot | 418 | 0.26 | 12 min |
| #2 | Lebanon James | 261 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | The Heathen | 202 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | e. | 192 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | m1 | 82 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | e. | +0.56 | 57 | 66 |
| #2 | Sir Shanks Alot | +0.37 | 49 | 78 |
| #3 | Edzy | -0.51 | 63 | 57 |
| #4 | m1 | -1.15 | 62 | 55 |
| #5 | Lebanon James | -1.45 | 56 | 58 |





