








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
165 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,334 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 541 | 41% |
| Smokes | 368 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 156 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 269 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $33,272 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rage | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Philips leivänpaahdin HD2628/20 | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | marbullaa | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | II- | 60% | 5 |
| #5 | Cobb | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | g̴̡͗o̷̡̎d̵̳̒ ̷̨͋ọ̶͆ḟ̸̻ ̷a̷gony | 2 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Rage | 1 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Kyssi Kenguru | 1 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | vat | 1 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | Philips leivänpaahdin HD2628/20 | 1 | 0.0132 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jaba | 91 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #2 | g̴̡͗o̷̡̎d̵̳̒ ̷̨͋ọ̶͆ḟ̸̻ ̷a̷gony | 26 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | marbullaa | 16 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | vat | 10 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Rage | 8 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Philips leivänpaahdin HD2628/20 | +5.29 | 90 | 46 |
| #2 | Jaba | +4.33 | 79 | 71 |
| #3 | Cobb | +3.98 | 76 | 63 |
| #4 | II- | +3.97 | 73 | 77 |
| #5 | g̴̡͗o̷̡̎d̵̳̒ ̷̨͋ọ̶͆ḟ̸̻ ̷a̷gony | +3.52 | 78 | 60 |





