










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 542 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1614 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,518 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3064 | 47% |
| Smokes | 1898 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 679 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 877 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $653,491 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knee Grow King | 59% | 61 |
| #2 | IGetMoreAssThanAToiletSeat | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | gurt: yo sybau tspmo | 54% | 50 |
| #4 | plsstoptrumpdump | 47% | 83 |
| #5 | im gay, call me at 147324579 | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | IGetMoreAssThanAToiletSeat | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | gurt: yo sybau tspmo | 54% | 50 |
| #4 | plsstoptrumpdump | 47% | 83 |
| #5 | im gay, call me at 147324579 | 47% | 49 |
| #6 | Racial Cleanser | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knee Grow King | 9 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | im gay, call me at 147324579 | 6 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | IGetMoreAssThanAToiletSeat | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Racial Cleanser | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | plsstoptrumpdump | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | plsstoptrumpdump | 227 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | Knee Grow King | 211 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | im gay, call me at 147324579 | 183 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | gurt: yo sybau tspmo | 130 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | IGetMoreAssThanAToiletSeat | 30 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | im gay, call me at 147324579 | +3.06 | 82 | 57 |
| #2 | Knee Grow King | +2.24 | 82 | 53 |
| #3 | JUN | +0.44 | 45 | 63 |
| #4 | IGetMoreAssThanAToiletSeat | -0.35 | 57 | 64 |
| #5 | plsstoptrumpdump | -1.12 | 44 | 52 |





