








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 266 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 120 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1608 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,888 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 556 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1579 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 756 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 997 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,222,285 of utility $315 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 162 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uberpwnage | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Ray Gapist | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Ozzy | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | M1ckW1ck | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | zü | 51% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lance | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Nase | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | zü | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | M1ckW1ck | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1ckW1ck | 219 | 0.45 | 5 min |
| #2 | zü | 215 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Lance | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Uberpwnage | 66 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ozzy | 50 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lance | +0.95 | 54 | 65 |
| #2 | Gaming Golem | +0.93 | 66 | 50 |
| #3 | Ozzy | +0.41 | 61 | 55 |
| #4 | Uberpwnage | +0.34 | 76 | 70 |
| #5 | Ray Gapist | -0.01 | 57 | 50 |





