








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1067 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,809 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 904 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1309 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1483 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1113 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $482,145 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 160 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 72% | 112 |
| #2 | GumpeDumpe ☂ | 70% | 40 |
| #3 | Matt!E | 69% | 39 |
| #4 | emwolb | 68% | 114 |
| #5 | Jenner | 67% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Matt!E | 69% | 39 |
| #4 | emwolb | 68% | 114 |
| #5 | Jenner | 67% | 21 |
| #6 | t0x_- | 63% | 40 |
| #7 | Brostormzz | 61% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emwolb | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | bob | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Brostormzz | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Matt!E | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Jenner | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 425 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #2 | emwolb | 276 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | Matt!E | 151 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | Brostormzz | 100 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | t0x_- | 91 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | +6.45 | 87 | 76 |
| #2 | emwolb | +1.30 | 76 | 75 |
| #3 | Matt!E | +0.71 | 50 | 79 |
| #4 | Brostormzz | +0.34 | 61 | 69 |
| #5 | GumpeDumpe ☂ | -0.85 | 44 | 69 |





