








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1132 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 309 matches | ||
| Premier | 151 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4502 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2232 | 15% |
| Smokes | 5063 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 5518 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2394 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,074,942 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donsimon | 48% | 71 |
| #2 | 0x46unky | 43% | 46 |
| #3 | cpt | 43% | 134 |
| #4 | eeph | 39% | 88 |
| #5 | lemon | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | lemon | 38% | 29 |
| #6 | Goaty | 36% | 47 |
| #7 | Høebie™ | 36% | 130 |
| #8 | Pey’j L.A. | 28% | 43 |
| #9 | F1nky L.A. | 27% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donsimon | 6 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Høebie™ | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | 0x46unky | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Goaty | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | eeph | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eeph | 222 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | 0x46unky | 66 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | donsimon | 64 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | cpt | 50 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | lemon | 48 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lemon | +3.03 | 73 | 67 |
| #2 | 0x46unky | +2.97 | 54 | 62 |
| #3 | eeph | +1.14 | 67 | 59 |
| #4 | Høebie™ | +0.18 | 64 | 43 |
| #5 | donsimon | -0.32 | 41 | 20 |





