








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 503 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,860 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3817 | 20% |
| Smokes | 6896 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 3987 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4160 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,031,014 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Høebie™ | 39% | 23 |
| #12 | Akitobi | 39% | 88 |
| #13 | beinkleid | 37% | 62 |
| #14 | Pey’j L.A. | 34% | 80 |
| #15 | Gustav | 32% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ЯСПЕР | 9 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | donsimon | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Goaty | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | cpt | 2 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | 0x46unky | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coRnhoLio L.A. | 190 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | 0x46unky | 158 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | cpt | 118 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | ЯСПЕР | 100 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | beinkleid | 100 | 0.08 | 2 min |





