








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 186 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1866 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,443 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2385 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2310 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2893 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1855 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $464,449 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | .Yannick | 51% | 159 |
| #4 | fckleberry hynn | 51% | 142 |
| #5 | .T s e e G | 49% | 188 |
| #6 | Howie Dewitt | 47% | 158 |
| #7 | Der Glizzy Gobbler | 37% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .T s e e G | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | .Yannick | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Howie Dewitt | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | fckleberry hynn | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Der Glizzy Gobbler | 3 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .T s e e G | 1011 | 0.26 | 26 min |
| #2 | .Yannick | 638 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #3 | fckleberry hynn | 475 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #4 | Howie Dewitt | 345 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #5 | Der Glizzy Gobbler | 200 | 0.16 | 5 min |





